A Personal Story
How many times have you heard “just stop”! “If you decide to quit you can”. “You just don’t care, if you did you would change your ways”. The simple truth of the matter: The reason alcoholics drink is because they have a disease, a malady of mind and body. The very definition of “alcoholism” is an addiction to the consumption of alcoholic liquor or the mental illness and compulsive behavior resulting for alcohol dependency.
This sober alcoholic has heard time and time again about my own weakness, about the theories of why or how alcoholism is not a disease, matter of willpower, or a decision, but for me and thousands of others it is not a matter of willpower, and it absolutely is a disease.
I personally always felt different on a fundamental level, unable to relate to other people the way it seemed “normal” people could. I never felt I fit; I was a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. This started from a very young age at a point in my life when I had no tools to know how to even express it. I felt so many emotions so much of the time that I slid into depression early on and spent my early years trying to learn ways to escape. Exercise, boys, movies, and I did everything to the extreme. For me there was no balance. I couldn’t stand how I felt, I would find something to help me forget that for as long as I could and then inevitably wound up back at ground zero scratching my head, angry and alone in a room full of people. When I found alcohol it was, at first a solution, a way to numb that nagging voice deep within me that told me I was a failure, I was ugly, and I would never mean anything. I felt that heavy emotional veil lift and for the first time some levity came into my life and I could convince myself that I was okay.
The brain of an alcoholic is actually different than that of a non-alcoholic from a scientific standpoint. Look it up in any medical journal and the confirmation is there; however, alcoholism and the reasons alcoholics drink is not strictly due to the allergy of body, but it is also a sickness of the mind and spirit. I was spiritually sick.
Treatment today for the modern alcoholic offers many modalities to assist the alcoholic find a long-term way to identify the disease, and form an outline for individuals, like myself, who had no idea how to quit. Often I felt that I didn’t want to quit, that I could handle alcohol and drink like a gentleman, even going dry spells without drinking only to either weeks or months later relapse into a state of incomprehensible demoralization one more time.
I would have told you I drank because the world had wronged me that I was abused, abandoned, stressed out, misunderstood, etc., etc., but at the root of all of it, I was addicted to the physical and mental effect that alcohol gave to me, and I was unable to stop, promise after broken promise to myself and others with the best intentions and the strongest willpower I would honestly say “I am done”., but I simply COULD NOT leave it alone.
There is a solution; we are here to offer you one. You are not alone, you never have to be alone again.
If you or someone you know is need of help treating alcoholism, contact us today!